Letting Go

Co - Parenting.  One of the hardest things in the world for me, as a mother...CORRECTION...as a slightly overbearing "helicopter" worry-wart mother, was to watch somebody else discipline my children.  AND THEN watch my children get upset and CRY!  All I wanted to do was push Michael (step-father) out of the way, grab them, wipe their tears, and say "it's ok, don't listen to what the bad man said.  You can have two cookies before dinner.  You can drink red Koolaid in bed.  You can yell at your mother.  Whatever you want.  Just don't be sad.  Ever."  OK, slight exaggeration, but you get the idea.  And, I think the more he disciplined, the more upset the kids got at first.  They could sense that I was anxious about it, and they were trying to get me to save them.  I kept imagining that he was some big giant monster running around the house saying "NO" to everything, and all they were doing was trying to talk to him, but he nevery believed them because all he was trying to do was yell and say no (another exaggeration in my mind). 

Recently, I came accross this cartoon, which made me think of that scenerio that I used to imagine in my head in the early years when we were still very new to step-parenting little kids.  I imagined he was yelling for them to go to bed, they were scared of a REAL monster, and there is no way he would believe them because he just wanted to be mad and yell.

Needless to say I spent a lot of anxious nights thinking my kids were about to be eaten by the perverbial Cookie Monster because their step-father failed to listen to their ALWAYS legitimate fears.  Of course a 5 year old was not capable of manipulation (ex.- immediately after turning off the lights to go to bed - "mom, I have to tell you something really important...mom, I need some water...mom, I need to go potty...I rest my case).  But back then I refused to believe the children were accountable for anything, causing strain on our relationship and putting remarkable pressure on Michael. 

He wasn't perfect either.  He needed to turn down the intensity about 50 notches.  He was used to teenagers.  These were little guys.  But that's another topic.  For me, I needed to learn the art of LETTING GO.  A friend said to me one day, "You chose this man for a reason, to be with you and love you and love your kids.  Let him do it."  So I did. 

And I practice every day.