Letting Go

Co - Parenting.  One of the hardest things in the world for me, as a mother...CORRECTION...as a slightly overbearing "helicopter" worry-wart mother, was to watch somebody else discipline my children.  AND THEN watch my children get upset and CRY!  All I wanted to do was push Michael (step-father) out of the way, grab them, wipe their tears, and say "it's ok, don't listen to what the bad man said.  You can have two cookies before dinner.  You can drink red Koolaid in bed.  You can yell at your mother.  Whatever you want.  Just don't be sad.  Ever."  OK, slight exaggeration, but you get the idea.  And, I think the more he disciplined, the more upset the kids got at first.  They could sense that I was anxious about it, and they were trying to get me to save them.  I kept imagining that he was some big giant monster running around the house saying "NO" to everything, and all they were doing was trying to talk to him, but he nevery believed them because all he was trying to do was yell and say no (another exaggeration in my mind). 

Recently, I came accross this cartoon, which made me think of that scenerio that I used to imagine in my head in the early years when we were still very new to step-parenting little kids.  I imagined he was yelling for them to go to bed, they were scared of a REAL monster, and there is no way he would believe them because he just wanted to be mad and yell.

Needless to say I spent a lot of anxious nights thinking my kids were about to be eaten by the perverbial Cookie Monster because their step-father failed to listen to their ALWAYS legitimate fears.  Of course a 5 year old was not capable of manipulation (ex.- immediately after turning off the lights to go to bed - "mom, I have to tell you something really important...mom, I need some water...mom, I need to go potty...I rest my case).  But back then I refused to believe the children were accountable for anything, causing strain on our relationship and putting remarkable pressure on Michael. 

He wasn't perfect either.  He needed to turn down the intensity about 50 notches.  He was used to teenagers.  These were little guys.  But that's another topic.  For me, I needed to learn the art of LETTING GO.  A friend said to me one day, "You chose this man for a reason, to be with you and love you and love your kids.  Let him do it."  So I did. 

And I practice every day.

Marathon Weekends

Here I am on Monday morning, once again exhausted from the long "marathon weekend."  The two little boys went to their dad's house on Friday night, so hubby and I decided to get out of the house and pull an all-nighter at the Casino (our favorite getaway spot - playing penny slots and eating hotdogs until 3am - it doesn't get any better than that...oh wait...did I mention there is no one yelling "mooom!").  Saturday morning, after a few hours of restless sleep it's up bright and early to get all three boys ready for a long trip to a birthday party for their cousin (turning 2) at MOA (Mall of America), Nickalodean Universe.  Rides, roller coasters, cake, prizes, kids EVERYWHERE, "mom can I go see the ... " We actually had a blast.  It wasn't until we returned home and carried the little boys into the house and put them in bed, and I crashed in my own bed that I realized how exhausting it really was.  Wake up on Sunday, lug the boys back up to their dad's to finish off the weekend (it was his official weekend - I borrowed them for the party).  Get back, shop for the oldest son's (Davis) birthday present, then head home and begin the endless piles of laundry that plague our house.  As I was making lunches for Monday morning (only mine and hubby's because the kids were off for a Monday holiday), I thought about those who say, about having a blended family:

 "you're so lucky, you have every other weekend off."  or
"it must be nice to have the best of both worlds, the guy you really want to be with, and you get to be done having kids."
or my favorite
"at least you have the extra income.  It really makes everything worth while."

Look, I come from a blended family, and I'm currently living in one.  I didn't plan it that way, it just happened.  I have 4 sons, ages 17, 15, 5, and 3 (three of them live with us, the 15 year old lives with his mom).  My husband and I are madly in love and couldn't be happier.  We love being parents and we love our family.  That doesn't mean that at times we don't wish we could pull all our hair out and drive to Mexico for about 12 years!

I am the oldest of 7 brothers and sisters and both of my parents are remarried happily.  I have a relationship with both of my parents.  Their relationship with each other is another story.  No matter how long a family works on things, there is always drama, and it is always exhausting!

So I decided to start this blog.  I have no free time, but I needed an outlet, between driving to activities, family events, and listening to my sons talk about sports for the millionth time that day, I need to write somewhere.  I hope you read it, and I hope you can relate on some level. :)