Fall, get up, fall, get up, fall, get up...

So much has happened since my last post, there is no way to include it all here.  I will sum it up:

Michael and I got married, Gabe started the 1st grade and loves it, Davis is a senior in high school and on track to graduate, we got another dog named BoBo (a 5 year old English Bulldog) with a phenomenal temperament who also (we found out after we adopted him) has epilepsy, and Elijah turned 4 and started hockey.  Whew!

Elijah has hockey 3 times a week for the next 4 months.  Then, after that he has hockey for the next bagillian years.  Although the level of commitment required of a family really shouldn't surprised me at this point, as I grew up in a very committed hockey family (I spent a lot of time at the rink, let's put it that way - my brother was a player and my dad was always coaching), it still shocked me a bit.  Now, everyone just knows that Hockey is an expensive sport, so I knew this.  It's not the cost, it's everything else, holy cow!  Along with the regular dues required to play, and the equipment needed, it is a requirement to participate/volunteer a certain number of hours.  When I filled out the registration form for Elijah, they ask how you want to use your required hours, and there are check marks and a bunch of options.  You are required to do a certain number of hours (not just a few either), or pay your way out of them.  On top of that, you need to sell raffle tickets (or just purchase all of them up front).  Wo Nelly!  They are not messing around!  So, next time you walk into a rink and see all the parents and families so involved in the program...remember, they rope you in early!
Now, I'm not complaining at all.  I like the hockey life.  And, everyone there has accepted us as a part of their community from the second we stepped in the door, and that has been so nice and really needed in our family.  But I can see where our life is headed...we will be logging a lot of time in the ice rink!

So, on to Elijah, which is the reason we made this commitment in the first place.  Not just because I grew up with hockey in my bones, not just because I like it, and not just because Michael LOVES it.  The main reason is because Elijah cannot and will not sit still.  He is a rough, tough, hard headed little boy who needs some sort of organized rough tough way to get his athletic aggression OUT.  AKA, get him out of this house so he stops beating up his big brother.  Also, he's bored.  So, day 1 at hockey, he cannot even stand up on his skates on the ground (not even on the ice yet).  Day 3, he spends the majority of the practice laying down on the ice and kicking.  See, Elijah is very hard headed, as I mentioned, and will fight you tooth and nail until he sees the benefit in it.  Until he is the best at something, he will lay on the ground and kick.  Day 4, I called for reinforcements.   He was the youngest child out there, and struggling.  He needed 1-1 attention until he could at least stand and skate with the other kids.  In comes my dad, the perfect solution.  It didn't mean Elijah stopped kicking and screaming (my dad just stood there and waited like a patient grandpa).  It did mean that on day 9 he could skate, unassisted, with a stick, and was ready to join the group.

I learned something about my son through this.  I watched him, practice after practice, skate, fall, get up, fall, get up, fall, kick and scream, get up, skate, fall, pound head on the ice, get up, skate, fall, get up again...day in and day out.  He may be stubborn and hard headed, but maybe that is his best quality too.  Maybe stubborn also means he won't give up...What looks like quitting from the bleachers to me, may be persistence down there on the ice (just with a little bit of personality, hence the tantrum).  See, he never says he doesn't want to go, he never comes off the ice crying saying he wants to quit, and he always finishes the practice.  When things are rough for me in my life, do I get up that many times?  Do I return to the "ice" that many times for more, especially when I have no idea what I am working for, when I cannot see the benefit in front of me?  Probably not.  My kids always seem to teach me something...I guess this situation is no different.

Am I raising a family of Lawyers?

So I'm realizing that my littlest boys (Gabe - age 5, and Elijah - age 3) are both very different in a lot of ways. 

Gabe is sensitive.  He will be the first to tears if something hurts his feelings, or if the wresting gets a little too rough (and with a family full of boys there is plenty of that).  He is a people pleaser.  He will look for your reaction first before he answers, wanting everyone to be happy.  And he takes it personally when people are upset.  He plays with video games, and loves movies like Harry Potter that involve fantasy worlds, etc. He has never liked sports, or anything that he can get knocked down or hurt. 

Elijah, I think, was born a superhero.  A rough, tough, version of The Incredible Hulk.  He's built like a brick house (unlike gabe, who is built like a bean pole).  He watches superhero movies, has every action figure made, loves dinosaurs (because they're tough and they go "raur!," and wakes up every morning as a new character.  Example - the other morning I call out -

"Elijah!  Breakfast!" 

Elijah - "Me Batman!"

Me - "Batman, Breakfast!"

Elijah - "Yes!  Breakfast"

Later in the day, Elijah gets a timeout for attacking his brother relentlessly and not listening when told to stop.  He goes to his room for the appropriate time and then I yell:

"OK Elijah you may come out now"

Elijah - "OK"

Elijah comes upstairs and walks past us with a Teanage Mutant Ninja Turtle Sword stuck in the back of his shirt.

Me - "Elijah, come here please"

Elijah - "What"

Me - "who are you"

Elijah - "I'm a Ninja Turtle, see"

He slowly reaches behind his back and pulls the sword out, and poses for us.
Me - "ok, thank you. you may go."
Elijah - "OK"
He walks back into the living room

This brings me to my point.  One thing they both seem to have in common.  Their negotiation skills.  When in trouble, or in a bind, they seem to be able to pull out these skills (or at least perceived skills) of negotiation.  Gabriel can talk circles around any situation until even I am confused about what my point was.  Example (Gabe refused to share his toys but insisted Elijah share his bike)

Me - "Gabe, that's Elijah's bike."

Gabe - "He said I could ride it."

Me - "no, you wouldn't share your legos with him.  Just because you convinced him to let you ride it, doesn't mean it's fair."

Gabe - "Here Elijah, you can play with this Lego.  Isn't it cool?  Can I ride your bike?"
Elijah - "Yeah!"
Me - [sigh] - "Gabe" [giving the mom look]
Gabe - [smiling up at me]
Elijah - [smiling up at me]

Later that day ...

(trying to potty train Elijah)

Me - "Elijah, time to use the potty"
Elijah - "No, me a spider.  Spiders dont have butts.  So, they can't use the potty."



Should we just cut them off?

Sometimes being a busy mom means I don't have a free moment to sit down and write.  So much has happened in the last couple weeks since my last post, it is hard to think of where to start...

Gabriel, my 5 year old, had his first dance recital.  Huge success.  He got to dance to "I just cant wait to be King"  and he was just so excited that he got to be the king at the end (probably because he is the only boy in the class).  He is truly the performer in the family.  He is constantly singing and dancing, he loves to have an audience, and he has talent (wait, I'm the mom so I have to say that, but I think he really does).  We tried sports, it didn't work, he doesn't like anything where he can be knocked down or pushed around, he doesn't like the competitive athletic nature of them at all.  And, all he did was dance around and perform on the soccer field.  So, why not?  And he loves it.  Dance, theatre, piano lessons.  He's into them all so far!! It's so fun!

Davis, my stepson turned 18.  Holy Cow!  We got him a laptop and he got over $100 in ITunes giftcards (spent them all in a day).  I think he may be addicted to technology.  Although, so am I.  There are much worse things to be addicted to.  A friend of mine was over yesterday and was talking to me, Michael, and Davis in the kitchen and she says, "oh my god you guys, you are all on your phones!"  I looked up and we were all three surfing the web, texting, etc.  This could turn into a problem.  Or not.  IDK.  Also for his birthday my dad gave Michael and Davis tickets to a hockey game.  They went and had a blast!

Elijah (3 year old) and I were able to sneak in a little "us time" over the past week.  We acted silly and crazy, and I was able to hold his attention for about an hour!! With the help of a little thing I like to call ... Spiderman!! Elijah has been very interested in spiders and Spiderman lately.  In fact, he had his preschool screening test this week.  Very serious business.  The screener took him into a little room where she proceeded to test him on various topics to ensure that he was reaching certain developmental milestones, and was not in need of additional services.  SO ... of course Elijah being Elijah gets bored about 30 seconds into the screening and wants to impress this lady with his uncanny ability to be creative. Here comes the part of the test where she needs to know if HE knows his personal information:

Screener:  What is your name

Elijah:  Spiderman

Screener:  What is your name

Elijah:  Spiderman

Screener:  What is your REAL name

Elijah:  The REAL Spiderman

Screener:  no dear, I need to know your real name, what is it

Elijah:  (big smile, winning her heart) Elijah

Screener: OK, Elijah, What is your last name, Elijah What

Elijah: Elijah Spiderman

(The screener markes down a zero...)

Gotta love 3 year olds!!

Last but not least, our precious 6 month old Yorkie/Westie mix Oliver.  Yes he is adorable.  Yes he is little, and cute.  Here's the problem.  He has these newfound things called balls.  He's in love with them.  He stretches out on the floor, rubs them around on everything, and because of those darn things, HE PEES EVERYWHERE!  Seriously, we cannot set anything on the floor without it being "at risk."  They say it's because he must "mark" his territory.  Davis writes a paper the other day, it falls out of the printer and onto the floor as he is walking into the office to pick it up.  He picks it up to find ...

So, the dogs is getting his balls cut off next week.  It's about time!!

Letting Go

Co - Parenting.  One of the hardest things in the world for me, as a mother...CORRECTION...as a slightly overbearing "helicopter" worry-wart mother, was to watch somebody else discipline my children.  AND THEN watch my children get upset and CRY!  All I wanted to do was push Michael (step-father) out of the way, grab them, wipe their tears, and say "it's ok, don't listen to what the bad man said.  You can have two cookies before dinner.  You can drink red Koolaid in bed.  You can yell at your mother.  Whatever you want.  Just don't be sad.  Ever."  OK, slight exaggeration, but you get the idea.  And, I think the more he disciplined, the more upset the kids got at first.  They could sense that I was anxious about it, and they were trying to get me to save them.  I kept imagining that he was some big giant monster running around the house saying "NO" to everything, and all they were doing was trying to talk to him, but he nevery believed them because all he was trying to do was yell and say no (another exaggeration in my mind). 

Recently, I came accross this cartoon, which made me think of that scenerio that I used to imagine in my head in the early years when we were still very new to step-parenting little kids.  I imagined he was yelling for them to go to bed, they were scared of a REAL monster, and there is no way he would believe them because he just wanted to be mad and yell.

Needless to say I spent a lot of anxious nights thinking my kids were about to be eaten by the perverbial Cookie Monster because their step-father failed to listen to their ALWAYS legitimate fears.  Of course a 5 year old was not capable of manipulation (ex.- immediately after turning off the lights to go to bed - "mom, I have to tell you something really important...mom, I need some water...mom, I need to go potty...I rest my case).  But back then I refused to believe the children were accountable for anything, causing strain on our relationship and putting remarkable pressure on Michael. 

He wasn't perfect either.  He needed to turn down the intensity about 50 notches.  He was used to teenagers.  These were little guys.  But that's another topic.  For me, I needed to learn the art of LETTING GO.  A friend said to me one day, "You chose this man for a reason, to be with you and love you and love your kids.  Let him do it."  So I did. 

And I practice every day.

Marathon Weekends

Here I am on Monday morning, once again exhausted from the long "marathon weekend."  The two little boys went to their dad's house on Friday night, so hubby and I decided to get out of the house and pull an all-nighter at the Casino (our favorite getaway spot - playing penny slots and eating hotdogs until 3am - it doesn't get any better than that...oh wait...did I mention there is no one yelling "mooom!").  Saturday morning, after a few hours of restless sleep it's up bright and early to get all three boys ready for a long trip to a birthday party for their cousin (turning 2) at MOA (Mall of America), Nickalodean Universe.  Rides, roller coasters, cake, prizes, kids EVERYWHERE, "mom can I go see the ... " We actually had a blast.  It wasn't until we returned home and carried the little boys into the house and put them in bed, and I crashed in my own bed that I realized how exhausting it really was.  Wake up on Sunday, lug the boys back up to their dad's to finish off the weekend (it was his official weekend - I borrowed them for the party).  Get back, shop for the oldest son's (Davis) birthday present, then head home and begin the endless piles of laundry that plague our house.  As I was making lunches for Monday morning (only mine and hubby's because the kids were off for a Monday holiday), I thought about those who say, about having a blended family:

 "you're so lucky, you have every other weekend off."  or
"it must be nice to have the best of both worlds, the guy you really want to be with, and you get to be done having kids."
or my favorite
"at least you have the extra income.  It really makes everything worth while."

Look, I come from a blended family, and I'm currently living in one.  I didn't plan it that way, it just happened.  I have 4 sons, ages 17, 15, 5, and 3 (three of them live with us, the 15 year old lives with his mom).  My husband and I are madly in love and couldn't be happier.  We love being parents and we love our family.  That doesn't mean that at times we don't wish we could pull all our hair out and drive to Mexico for about 12 years!

I am the oldest of 7 brothers and sisters and both of my parents are remarried happily.  I have a relationship with both of my parents.  Their relationship with each other is another story.  No matter how long a family works on things, there is always drama, and it is always exhausting!

So I decided to start this blog.  I have no free time, but I needed an outlet, between driving to activities, family events, and listening to my sons talk about sports for the millionth time that day, I need to write somewhere.  I hope you read it, and I hope you can relate on some level. :)